Change

A few months ago, I posted saying that I would do better at posting.  I think, however, I've been using all my free time reading other blogs when I should be sitting my butt down to record what's happening in my world.  That was my whole point in starting this--for my kids to read what crazy thoughts mom had about being a mom. 

I think I even started to compare my life happenings to others--were they as exciting, as funny, as earth-shattering, as life-changing?  And I have realized that by doing that and not journaling, I was cheating my kids.  My mom's journal to me and my siblings is worth the world to me.  I can hear her voice, her sarcasm, her wit.  I want to leave that for my kids. 

So to begin, I have a few random thoughts:
The 2 older girls start back at school after Labor Day.  They are going on a bus this year.  It comes to our driveway at 6:50 in the A.M.!!!  To give you an understanding of how early that is, we (and I mean EVERYONE) haven't seen any time before 9:00 A.M. in several months.  We are night people, I guess. We are going to be hurtin' units as we adjust to this crazy hour.

For the past 2 years, I have been the "bus" leaving our house with 4 kids at 7:52 A.M. and arriving in the drop-off lane at 8:05 (on a good day).  Now, they will be riding the bus for an hour to get to the same place. We shall see how they handle it.  I am feeling completely unsettled about this decision. 

I feel that the house is going to be unbelievably quiet this year.  The twins, (again, on a good day), will play together for hours.  Will I be bored?  Will I stay motivated?  Should I get a job?  Should I start working on my teaching license?  For the past 3 years, especially, there hasn't been a lot of down time.  And sometimes, I don't "relax" very well--gotta be doing something or I feel guilty.  I don't like guilt either.

I guess I don't do well with change.  I shouldn't feel that change has to be painful, or scary, or cause anxiety.  These changes in our household are inevitable.  It's just another chapter, not the end of the book!